Once again I am teetering on the precipice of bold language and feeble ideas. I am dissatisfied with all the currently used systems of thought. I am trying to figure out a way to make all people into computer like machines who can be programmed into doing precisely what I want them to do. First of all, I would program about five billion of them to walk off the continents and into the oceans where they would swim to the sharks and try to pet them. Then I would take the remaining billion or so and make them into builders so that I could tear down every city, suburb, mall, car lot, etc. until there was nothing left but dirt and grass. I would pile everything up on Manhattan island and have about three million people left there to sort through everything and recycle any usable materials to a warehouse in New Jersey. After about a year or two, when all the denuded spots had regrown I would begin building the new improved city. There would be no roads going into the city. Just four railroad tracks coming from the four cardinal points. Since no cars could come into the city the paths between buildings would be a little wider than a sidewalk and a little more narrow than a street. The city would only be 5000 feet by 5000 feet so you could walk everywhere and cross the city in about 15 minutes. The buildings would be made of concrete, stainless steel, and glass and they would be extremely tall. Every one would be made to live in a numbered pod and all of the pods would be exactly the same. Everyone would also have the same job and get the same pay. The money would actually consist of a chit that stated you would be allowed to live for another week. The second anyone broke out and tried to distinguish themselves from the population they would be burned as fuel in the giant boiler which would generate electricity and heat the city. Imagine! The perfect society! Everyone is finally equal and all the progressives are finally satisfied. The right will have been exterminated and used for millions of kilowatts of free power. I, of course, will not be equal since I invented it all. Soon, the entire society would direct their last flickers of dissatisfaction at me and a whole new party would be formed with the express purpose of toppling my reign. But I would be ruthless. I would point out that for the most part equality had been realized and that it could not be maintained without an overseer to ensure it’s viability. As crazy as it sounds, I would tell them, equality is something that must be imposed from the top and the vicious monstrosity known as nature will do everything it can to dissolve equality and plunge the entire population into chaos and misery if allowed to rear it’s grimy head. But they would certainly not listen. Try as I might to whip and beat it into their heads they would insist that I come on down and join them in the great sea of oneness. Day after day I would sit up on the tallest building pulling levers and flicking switches while the populace bubbled below. Their leaflets and fliers would start piling up in the pathways and raise the level of the ground by several feet every month. Soon the city would be subsumed by paper and they would be upon me. The moment I joined them the melee would commence and equality would lose its commission. The city would be overrun by barbarians from the woods who had their programs denigrate via simple neglect. Fire and spears would be arcing through the air as the stainless steel turned black with heat and billions of papers floated into the air carrying fire to long lost places outside the border. Everything would be undone and my name would be permanently associated with terror and destruction. I would insist on a trial by rodents and would surly be installed in an insane asylum where I could contemplate my deeds for years and years.
